The Worst Idea Ever
by TRIGGER M00NSHIELD
Summary: "You have to act like Sasuke for three days." No problem right? It is when you get paired with Itachi for your next mission. Standard Deidara torture here. Rated T for safety.
1. Byakugan?

**Okay so this is some random... Something I started writing out of boredom.**  
**Please be aware that this is a rough, unedited copy and I will update them in more detail when I find the time.**  
**Rates and reviews appreciated but given the condition of my writing, it is understood if none are received XD**

* * *

It had started out as a bet.

Like all bets, there was the chance of losing as well as a chance of winning.  
No one ever places a bet if they think they will lose.  
At least Deidara didn't.  
The blonde had grudgingly agreed to act like Sasuke for three days after Sasori had beaten him at Poker.  
Although he was sure the little wooden bastard had cheated…  
He had even agreed some of the things on the list Sasori had given him were pretty funny but this was going to be hard…

Sir Leader had heard of the bet and in a vicious attempt at getting revenge on Deidara, had declared a change in partners, switching Sasori and Kisame so that Itachi was paired with Deidara.  
He had just never gotten over not being able to find Deidara when he disguised himself as a woman.  
Kisame had hesitantly agreed to become Sasoris partner, whereas Deidara had flat out fought the attempted switch.  
It was dangerous enough pretending to be his foolish little brother when Itachi was not around but this was just playing with fire…  
Or more specifically, Amaterasu.

Whatever the case, the poor blonde was now stuck on a kidnapping mission with Itachi and a hellish list to get through.  
The first few had been easy enough and Deidara had happily and quickly ticked off "Style hair like a ducks butt" and "Act like an asshole" but this…

He glanced towards the stoic Uchiha on the other side of the campfire and sighed.

**Number 3: Mimic two of Sasukes jutsu in front of Itachi.  
**  
**Number 4: Mimic the Uchihas bloodline limit in at least two different ways.**

Deidara growled at the list.  
This was probably the best time to do it…  
Itachi and Deidara had camped for the night a few kilometers from a nearby village.  
The man they were sent to kidnap was rumored to hang around the power house every Thursday night at dusk.  
The two missing nin had decided to camp in the forest opposing to renting a hotel for the night.  
It was cheaper and they wouldn't attract any unnecessary attention.

They were currently sitting opposite one another around a fire.  
Itachi was daydreaming and Deidara was glancing at his list angrily.  
Looking around, the blonde made sure all of his things were securely tied to his waist.  
He'll be able to make a getaway quicker if he didn't have to return for anything.  
And if the Uchiha chased him, he didn't want to have to stop.  
Nodding to himself after confirming the whereabouts of his clay, weapons, water bottle and food, Deidara took a deep breath and opened the canteen on his right.

Itachi leaned against a tree and watched him from across the fire.  
Or at least, Deidara thought he did.  
Sometimes Itachi just stared at things that may or may not be there.  
It was quite possible he was gazing through Deidara instead of at him.

"Hey Itachi!"

The Uchiha snapped out of his trance and gazed at Deidara in sluggish interest.

"KATON NO JUTSU!"

The blonde terrorist took a swig of alcohol from the canteen, pressed his thumb and forefinger in an "OK" sign around his mouth and sprayed it into the fire.  
The resulting fireball wasn't as big as one Sasuke could accomplish but still large enough to startle the older Uchiha.  
Before he ran off into the trees, Deidara pulled his bottom eyelids down, rolled his eyes into the back of his head and shouted,

"BYAKUGAN!"

Itachi leaned as far back into the tree as he could.  
He blinked several times, trying to figure out what had just happened.  
Was that the Uchihas trademark fireball jutsu?  
He wasn't aware Deidara knew it.  
In fact he was positive that no one other than the Uchiha could accomplish such a fireball.  
It needed practice of course, but Itachi supposed Deidara wanted to show off his skill as opposed to burning the place down.  
But he had a Byakugan too!  
Clearly, Deidara had more talent than Itachi had given him credit for.  
He would have to keep a close eye on the blonde from now on…

* * *

**Yah yah I know.**  
**Like I said, Ill go into it with more detail when I feel like it -_-**


	2. The Kidnapping

**So part 2 I think...**  
**Lots of stupidness ahead.**  
**Remember, this is coming from the brain of a half asleep rambling idiot... So dont expect much**

* * *

Deidara raced through the trees until he was sure Itachi wasn't following him.  
He rested his hand on his knees and took deep, gasping breaths.  
His heart was racing, he was sure Itachi would kill him.  
Had it all worked out ok?  
The blonde had a feeling he had mimicked a different clans dojutsu but it didn't matter.  
He had gotten the point across.  
All that remained now was to stay on the Uchihas good side.  
He had only eliminated 2 of the 4 things the two questions had asked of him.  
Deidara prayed that Itachi would find it in his heart to forgive him once the mission was over.  
He was going to kill Sasori.

* * *

Itachi watched Deidara carefully as they walked through the village towards their goal.

If he showed any signs of unusual talent then the Uchiha would know instantly.  
He had his Sharingan activated and was watching.  
Nothing new had occurred since last night, although Deidara seemed to be copying almost everything Itachi did whether it be walking at the same pace, picking up the same things or even talking at the same time.  
It was very odd.

"Deidara?"

The blonde jumped with fright and glanced at Itachi sideways.  
He was well aware that the Uchiha had been watching him since they woke up this morning and he wasn't oblivious to the activated Sharingan either. He was very nervous and had to be very careful.

"Yes Itachi, un?"

The Uchiha let a silence envelope them before replying.

"Why are you copying everything I do?"

Deidara blushed. He was hoping Itachi wouldn't ask so that he wouldn't have to tell.  
_Damn you Sasori, un…_  
Sighing and rubbing his temples, coincidently at the same time Itachi did, Deidara grumbled,

"Its my bloodline limit, un…"

Another bloodline limit… Amazing…  
The Hyuugas have the Byakugan which Deidara showed he could use last night…  
But what was this new bloodline limit? One that could copy the actions of others?  
Itachi decided it would be more fun to guess and didn't ask, much to Deidaras relief.  
Better to focus on the task at hand.

Their current mission was to take hostage a man well known for dealing bad information.  
A trait that had gotten him into trouble with the Akatsuki on numerous occasions.  
Yubi Tanaka was on their to-find list.

Itachi gazed around for the trademark bowler hat that the man was known to wear.  
They had been scouring the village all day and hadn't had any luck so far.  
Grudgingly, Itachi hoped that _their _source of information wasn't a dud too.  
A tug at his sleeve alerted him to Deidara discreetly pointing ahead of them.

"There he is, un"

Itachi gazed in the direction Deidara was pointing and sure enough, the black bowler hat came into view.  
They needed to capture the man quickly, without alerting anyone that a kidnapping had just occurred.  
Yubi Tanaka had friends in high places and Itachi didn't want to be followed home.  
It was dusk, which was a good time to stage a kidnapping.  
Light enough to see where you were going, but dark enough that no one can properly see what was happening.  
The street light had yet to come on and the duo needed to accomplish their mission before they did.  
It was all a matter of precise timing.

Itachi revised their plan of attack in his head.  
He was to sneak around the back of the man who was standing out the front of the power house, while Deidara approached from the front.  
Trademark cloaks billowing in the soft breeze, Itachi and Deidara drew closer to their target.

Only 6 meters away.  
Thank god, un… I want to get out of here.  
I don't want to be partnered with Itachi anymore, its too scary, un…  
How does Kisame do it, yeah…?

Deidara focused his eyes on the man in front of him.  
Everything was going well so far.  
The blonde breathed a sigh and rubbed under his nose as Itachi did the same.  
It will all be over soon.  
The street lights came on automatically as the sun faded on the horizon, illuminating the area.  
Beside him, Itachi paused.  
Twelve men stood around them, having snuck up behind the Akatsuki disguised as civilians.  
They wielded katanas, kunai, senbon, the works.  
Itachi flinched when he recognized chakra cuffs hanging from their belts.  
To get caught by these men would mean their deaths.  
In the light of the streets, they could see everything.  
There was no hiding anymore.  
The man they were assigned to kidnap, Tanaka, turned to face them and grinned through half rotted teeth and beady eyes.

"Did you really think I wouldn't know you were coming? Surrender kindly gents, and we wont torture you until later."

Itachi glanced around and weighed his options.  
Kirigakure and Kumogakure missing nins among the twelve ninja, shit.  
The light was too bright and without the cover of darkness, Deidara and Itachi were pretty much sitting ducks.  
If it came down to a battle, Itachi and Deidara could win on their owns.  
But orders were orders.  
They were told that under no circumstances, were civilians to be injured.  
If a fight broke out now it was likely a whole lot of them would die.  
The Uchiha sighed.  
_What to do…_

Deidara grinned.  
This was the perfect opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.  
But it was going to hurt like hell.  
He mentally prepared himself for what was to come.  
Deidara specialized in Earth Style attacks. Electricity didn't play well with him.  
But the only other jutsu he knew of Sasukes was his Chidori…  
This would have to be it.

Taking a deep breath, Deidara stepped forward.

"I surrender."

Tanaka grinned menacingly and the 12 missing nins around him laughed mockingly.

"I thought you would. Come up here and stand with your face to the wall and hands out so we can see what you are doing."

Deidara smirked.  
Childs play.  
He glanced back to Itachi and grinned at the Uchihas scowl.  
Itachi obviously wasn't happy with the turn of events.  
Obediently, Deidara walked to the walls of the power house with a Cheshire cat grin on his face.  
Oh boy was this going to hurt…  
He almost regretted turning down Hidans offer of immortality.  
Deidara approached the electricity box on the side of the power house and took a deep breath.  
_  
Sasori… I hate you so much…  
_  
Tanaka caught sight of Deidaras grin as the man walked past him and frowned.  
Upon seeing him walking towards the electricity box on the wall, he attempted to cry out a warning.  
But it was too late.  
In the split second that Tanaka opened his mouth, Deidara rushed towards the box and punched his hand through it.  
Grabbing several cords, he abruptly pulled his arm out.  
White hot pain rushed through Deidaras body and he clenched his teeth, forcing himself to stay focused for the main event.  
A flash of blue electricity that resembled lightning erupted from the cables and up the blondes arm.

"CHIDORI!"

Itachi gasped as the street lights went out and being the opportunist bastard that he was, grabbed Tanaka and Deidaras unconscious body before hightailing it out of the village.

* * *

**Seriously though, Itachi is an opportunist.**

**Hey hey!**  
**Remember the first time him and Kisame went to kidnap Naruto?**  
**What kind of criminal intent on kidnapping someone knocks on their door?**


	3. Ohhh shit

**Next one... Erhh..**  
**Its what... 2am here?**

**Fudge monkeys I need sleep...**

* * *

The Uchiha finished securing Tanakas bonds.  
The man was still unconscious, which suited Itachi fine.  
It wasn't the man he was interested in, but Deidara.  
Another special jutsu!  
The blonde was talented indeed.  
Itachi was sure he had only ever seen Sasuke and Kakashi Hatake use that technique.  
What a blessing he could use it though. It had undoubtedly saved their lives.  
After Deidaras miraculous Chidori which just so happened to knock out the lights in the entire village, Itachi had been able to swiftly capture Tanaka and flee before anyone knew what had happened.  
Deidara was a genius.  
He had been knocked out for a while now but Itachi expected him to wake up soon.  
A strand of hair was swaying back and forth over Deidaras slightly parted lips and Itachi brushed it away.  
What a strange ninja you are indeed…

* * *

Deidara felt the grass under his face and knew Itachi had carried them away.

Before he blacked out he felt someone grab him and a rapid motion akin to running took the place of the falling sensation.  
Someone made a "hmm" sound not too far away.  
Monotone voice, lack of speech…  
Deidara instantly knew it was Itachi.  
He grinned and saw this as an opportunity for bonus points.  
Sasoris list had been completed the second Deidara had launched his 'Chidori'.  
Well… He was pretending to be knocked out now.  
Anything he said or did in his sleep wouldn't be held against him, right?

* * *

Itachis attention moved from the tree in front of him, back to Deidara who began lightly thrashing on the ground.  
Cold maybe?  
The Uchiha moved to get a blanket when he heard a soft muttering and crying.  
Hesitantly, Itachi turned and glanced at his new partner.  
Deidara had tears creeping through the cracks of his eyes and his mutterings were slowly getting louder.

"N-no… Don't kill them… Why would.. you hurt mum and dad?... Please… S-stop big brother!"

Itachi furrowed his brows.  
He had never heard of Deidara having a brother.  
What was going on…?  
Deidaras movements became more rapid and Itachi jerked out of the way as the blondes hand almost smacked him in the face.  
Suddenly, sitting bolt upright and wide awake, Deidara cried out, "ITACHI WHY!"  
As the echo of his voice faded, an awkward silence settled upon them as the two men glanced at each other uncertainly.  
Itachi attempted to break the silence.

"Did… Did you just..."

How strange.  
Itachi was under the impression that when someone dreamed about you, they were in love with you.  
Or so Sasori had told him after he complained about Kisame crying out his name in his sleep.  
How popular he was becoming.  
Itachi hoped this small crush wouldn't come between their professional relationship.  
Taking a small breath, Itachi tried to analyze the situation.  
On one hand, he was not a homosexual.  
On the other, Deidara was extremely attractive and as Itachi was finding out, amazingly talented.  
Perhaps it would be worth the risk of a relationship and Itachi could adjust?  
What the hell.  
You only live once.

* * *

Deidara smirked at the confused look on his partners face.  
Without a doubt, Itachi didn't expect that him to scream that out.  
He inwardly chuckled at all the horrible things he had done in the past few days.  
Sasori would be very pleased indeed.  
The Uchihas surprised face softened and his features glazed over as they usually did after showing any kind of emotion.  
Itachi made eye contact.  
_Strange, un… He looks like he has decided something… Not killing me I hope, yeah…_  
However what Itachi said next frightened the living shit out of the blonde.

"Deidara. I would like to become romantically involved with you."

Well shit…

* * *

**Yeah yeah I know it was short...**  
**Its just how I split the story up...**  
**As always rates and reviews are alwa- *snores***


	4. Worst Day Ever

**Ahhh and the drama begins...**  
**Again, no flames pleeease. **  
**I wrote the past 4 chapters in one go and still have to edit and correct it etc.**

* * *

Deidara raised an eyebrow.  
Surely that's not how he felt about his younger brother?  
That's just weird… Even for Itachi.  
_Argh… Dammit… How do I answer that, un?_  
Whether or not he was serious, Deidara didn't care.  
He was not going along with it.

"Itachi, Im sorry bu-"

The Mangekyou Sharingan flashed menacingly in Itachis eyes.  
Deidara hesitated.

"S-sure, un…" Deidara stuttered, "Whatever you want, Uchiha…"

What Itachi did next was perhaps scarier than the Mangekyou Sharingan.  
He smiled.  
A big, toothy smile.  
_Well that's something you don't see everyday, un…_

"Call me 'Tachi." He smiled happily.

* * *

The next few days were hell for the Akatsukis resident terrorist.

After dropping off Tanaka in the holding cell Pein had provided in Wind Country, Itachi and Deidara headed back to base.  
Several times, Deidara had desperately tried to tell the Uchiha that he didn't want a relationship, in almost every way he could put it, only to be silenced with the threat of the Sharingan.  
He had been trying to keep his distance and ignore Itachi, which the raven haired man seemed happy enough with…  
Until they reached the base.

Deidara had been trying to figure out how to escape the situation when he felt a hand snake its way into his.  
The blonde jumped and jerked his hand away, only for Itachi to yank him back.

"What are you doing, un!"

Itachi spared him a glance before replying,

"I prefer to communicate with others through actions, not words. By holding hands we will be informing the Akatsuki of our relationship without talking."

Oh…  
So that's why he had been happy when Deidara had been ignoring him…  
He would have been better suited to talking until his jaw hurt.  
Deidara made the mouths on his hands bite ferociously at Itachis palm.  
The Uchiha looked down at his bleeding hands before giving a half shrug and continuing to walk.  
The blonde was horrified.  
What could he possibly do to rid himself of the Uchiha?

"Hey! Deidara!"

Shit.  
Sasori and Kisame stood at the entrance to the base, waving them down.  
No doubt Sasori wanted to find out how the bet went.  
Sadistic asshole… It was all his fault.  
Deidara gave Itachi one last desperate, pleading look, begging the man to release his hand.  
He was ignored.  
Sasori abruptly stopped waving upon seeing Deidara and Itachis hands interwoven.  
Kisame stared as well.  
Neither said a word as Deidara and Itachi walked past them into the hideout.

The blonde was half dragged through the entrance by the Uchiha.  
Deidara turned around and mouthed "help me" to Sasori.  
Itachi cleared his throat and Sasori was given a threatening look.  
The bomber looked scared and gave Itachi a nervous, half hearted grin before following him down the hall.  
At least things couldnt get any worse...

* * *

"OH HELL NO, UN!"

Pein gave Deidara 'the look' and the blonde man sat back down.  
He was seated in Peins personal office beside Itachi, Sasori and Kisame.  
Sir Leader had just broken it to them that their current partnerships would be permanent.  
In other words, Deidara was stuck with Itachi.  
To be fair, Sasori and Kisame weren't too pleased either.  
Neither of them got along very well and despite Kisames pacifist nature, were bickering constantly.  
Itachi leaned back in his seat, looking smug.  
He briefly caught Deidaras gaze and in that instant the blonde knew.  
The bastard had arranged this!

Deidara lifted his head again to protest but Pein silenced him with the quiet mutterings of "If you say another word, I will confiscate your clay."  
The orange haired sadist sat behind his desk which subtly advertised "Peins Evil Lair" on a metal word rack.  
Pein stood and lightly grasped some loose papers before heading towards the exit.  
The blonde bit his lip and glanced anxiously between Sasori and Itachi.  
_Its okay, un,_ he told himself, _at least you wont have to sleep with hi-_

"Oh and you will be moving into your new partners bedrooms immediately."

Deidara shut his mouth and felt tears welling up in his eyes.  
Not a good day.  
The door slammed behind them. No time to argue.  
Pein was serious.  
Deidara then took revenge in the only way his tortured brain could think of.  
He rearranged the label on the desk.  
Instead of reading "Peins Evil Lair" it now read "Evil Penis Lair"

* * *

**So yeah I randomly noticed that "Peins" was an anagram of Penis... Huh... Who knew?**


	5. The Bedding Arrangements

**For the record I still have nooooooooooooo idea where I am going with this.**  
**Am still too lazy to edit the other chapters yet but I'll get there...**  
**Erm, so in this chapter...**  
**Kisame stirs things up cause he's an asshole like that,**  
**Sasori oversteps his 'boundaries'**  
**And Itachi gets jealous?**  
**Iunno lol.. Just read it..**

* * *

Deidara could have fainted when he walked into Itachis room.  
The blonde didn't own much, so was able to pack all of his belongings in a small box before transporting it to his new bedroom.  
The raven haired man had told Deidara that he would take care of the sleeping arrangements and Deidara had thought nothing of it at the time.  
But…

Itachi stood to the left of a double bed that took up a large amount of space in the room.  
In reality it was just two single beds pushed together with several blankets covering the top to disguise the crack.  
But it was the lack of a second bed that made things scary.  
Deidara twitched.  
Next thing he knew, the sadistic bastard would want to shower with him.  
Taking a deep breath, Deidara breathed, "Itachi…"  
The Uchiha cocked his head slightly to the side to show he was listening.

"Whose bed it that?"  
_  
Please-don't-say-ours-Please-don't-say-ours-Please-don't-say-ours-Please-don't-say-ours-Please-don't-say-ours-Please-don't-say-ours… un…_  
Itachis eyes curved upwards and a content smile graced his lips.

"It is ours, Deidara."

Dammit…  
Deidara nodded his head slowly and took a step backwards.  
He held up a finger to his new partner, asking him to wait a second, before taking off down the hallway.

**"SASORI-DANNA-SASORI-DANNA-SASORI-DANNA!"**

The red head glanced up at his door as his old partner burst in.  
Sasori sweatdropped.  
He had walked past Itachis room earlier that day and seen the man arranging the bed.  
At this moment, he truly felt sorry for Deidara.

"Dannnnnaaa! Let me come back with you, un! I promise I'll never annoy you again!"

Sasori sighed.  
He preferred the enigmatic blonde over Kisame any day but it wasn't his decision.  
Pein could be a cruel bastard when he wanted to be.  
The redhead had been present when Itachi had explained the situation to Sir Leader.  
At first Sasori had been amused by the ramifications of the bet but had been downright horrified by how Itachi had interpreted it.  
Despite Deidaras efforts to copy Sasuke, the Uchiha didn't even make the connection, instead finding the blondes 'talents' fascinating and deciding to establish a relationship.  
Shikamaru Nara wouldn't have seen this coming…

"I'm sorry Deidara but I cant-"

"ART IS ETERNAL, UN!"

Yup, he was desperate.  
In any other case the puppeteer would have smirked in triumph but this situation called for strategy, not gloating.  
Another sigh.  
Deidara had both of his clenched fists raised to cover his mouth and giant puppy dog eyes that were ever so slowly, filling with tears.  
Pein had left the base for the day so even if Sasori wanted to talk to him (which he was really too frightened to do) he wouldn't be able to.  
Sir Leader returned tomorrow but until then, Deidara was going to have to manage on his own.

"I'll talk to Pein tomor-"

"THANK YOU DANNA, UN!"

The red head was cut off by a smothering hug.  
Wow… Admitting that art is eternal? Tears? Hugs?  
No doubt about it, Deidara was going to have a mental breakdown.  
A cough sounded behind the two artists.  
Sasori felt Deidara tense, meaning it was the one person he was coming to fear the most:  
Itachi Uchiha.

"I would appreciate it, Sasori, if you found your own boyfriend."

Deidara whimpered as he was pulled from his danna and into the arms of Itachi.  
Sasori was given the trademark glare which was being seen more and more as Itachi became overprotective of his new 'boyfriend'.  
The red head nodded slowly, communicating that he had no intentions of stealing the blonde, although deep down he was seething about feeling too powerless to protect his former partner.  
Itachi stuck his nose in the air, hefted the now sobbing Deidara over his shoulder and exited the room.

* * *

"Sooo… Whats Deidara like?"

Kisame and Itachi sat at the dining table sipping coffee and mindlessly chatting over the morning paper.  
Despite his sympathy for the bomber, Kisame was mildly amused and entertained by the prospect of Itachi claiming him as his own.  
The Uchiha glanced phlegmatically up from his paper and gave a soft-barely-there smile.

"Wonderful."

Kisame rolled his eyes.  
_Thanks for all the details, Itachi…_  
He lifted a hand and made a rolling motion, encouraging his former partner to elaborate.  
The Uchiha took another sip of his coffee.

"He doesn't talk to me much which is lovely, you know I enjoy the quiet,"

Kisame nodded.

"He isn't clingy and doesn't hug me constantly like I expected him to, the respect for personal space is appreciated."

Kisame coughed to cover up a smirk.  
Itachi was so oblivious to Deidaras body language it just wasn't funny…  
Or maybe it was…

"But I find his friendship with Sasori worrisome."

"Worrisome how?"

"I think Sasori is trying to steal him."

Another cough.  
Well this was new.  
Was it possibly Itachi was… Jealous?  
Oh what he would give to have this conversation on record…  
Kisame really did sympathize with Deidaras situation…  
But he just couldn't help stirring things up a little.

"You should do something about it."

Itachi glanced at him from over The Shinobi Times.

"You know… So Sasori doesn't steal him…"

All was silent.  
Kisame briefly hoped he hadn't made a mistake and was about to be dealt an Amaterasu.  
The Uchiha took in a small breath and sighed, eyes downcast and nodded.

"You are right Kisame. Sasori needs to know his boundaries. Thank you for your advice."

The red eyed prodigy put down his paper, stood and quietly left the room.  
Kisame lasted the grand total of 5.6 seconds before headbutting the table and bursting into hysterical laughter.

* * *

**Haha yeah...**  
**Well... Rates and reviews are appreciated (as always)**  
**And erm... Yeah...**  
**Thanks for reading I spose lol**


	6. Making The Most Of It

**Okay. So brilliant idea on Deidaras part here.  
Have to make the most of the situation you are in!  
I would just like to share a life experience before we continue…  
I was in Adelaide recently on my epic journey of epicness that has yet to end, and saw some very pretty lights hung up around trees and strung around a certain place in one of the streets.  
Intrigued, I decided to look at them and have been scarred for life.  
Life Lesson #1  
Pretty lights lead to strip clubs and hookers  
Enjoy peoples!  
**

* * *

Sasori was looking at his blonde former partner.

Deidara stood on the edge of a cliff, being influenced by an unseen force into walking towards his doom.  
The cliff was situated in the middle of nowhere, rocks being the only thing to be seen for hundreds of miles.  
Bottomless and black, falling would mean certain death.

Black clouds gathered in the sky ominously and Sasori found himself wondering whether it was day or night.  
Lightning flashed in the distance and struck the ground at the artists feet as he moved closer to the edge.  
It was axiomatically obvious that Deidara was being controlled beyond his will.

The blonde, whilst having no control of his legs, was reaching back to Sasori, hands outstretched and terror filled eyes.  
Despite his dangerous lifestyle and explosive fighting techniques, Deidara wasn't ready to die.  
He called out to Sasori, begging him to help while his feet moved of their own accord, closer and closer to the edge.  
Sasori felt useless.  
He tried to grasp Deidara with his chakra strings only for them to fall short by a few centimeters.  
Some sort of barrier separated them, that much was certain.  
Even though they had their constant arguments, Sasori considered Deidara his greatest and closest friend.  
He didn't want his friend to die.  
Lightning struck again, closer to Sasori this time, and in the brief flash of light he saw the silhouette of a man.  
He gasped and yelled out to warn Deidara but it was too late.

Sasori was unable to move and could only scream in horror as the man with black hair and red eyes pushed Deidara off the edge.

* * *

Sasori knew he had woken from the dream and was relieved to find so.  
He was however, unwilling to move for a small period of time.  
Catching his breath from the terror he had just faced, even if it wasn't real, took priority at the moment.  
The red head grimaced as he thought back to what he had just witnessed.  
It was painfully obvious what the dream signified and the red head hoped that it wasn't an omen of some sort.  
_Sometime I wish I never had to get out of bed…_  
Despite his puppet body, Sasori had been unwilling to give up the luxury of sleep.  
Everything else, sexual needs, food and water, he was willing to let slide.  
But sleep was the only thing he loved and decided he couldn't live without.  
He wanted some element of him to remain human after all…  
Somewhere in the base, Sasori heard Deidara mewling and decided it was time to get up.  
Better to save the blonde now than have him cry later.  
He could only imagine the horror filled night his ex partner had faced.  
Sasori rubbed his eyes and slowly opened them, waiting for the early morning fuzzies to clear.  
Once his eyes were fully opened, the red head froze.  
Itachi was kneeling over his bed and glaring at him with his Mangekyou Sharingan activated.  
_Oh shit!_

* * *

Deidara was curled up in the bed he had shared with Itachi.  
Despite his desperate verbal, and later physical, attempts to convince the Uchiha to let him sleep on the floor, he had eventually been forced onto the mattress with the threat that if he moved, his clay collection would go bye-bye.  
After tearfully promising he wouldn't move, Deidara stuck to his word and had stayed in the same position all night.  
To his relief, Itachi hadn't tried to snuggle with him or any other creepy shit.  
Deidara swore that if he got out of this alive he would become a Jashinist so that he could torture Itachi the way he was torturing him.  
So there he lay, curled up in the bed, blood shot eyes staring at the wall opposite him and blonde hair in disarray.  
He had been planning to get up as soon as it was socially acceptable and hightail it out of there.  
_I hear The Village Hidden in the Leaves is nice this time of year, un…_  
However, Itachi had woken up and left the room 20 minutes before Deidara was going to leave and so, the blonde was forced to think up another plan.  
Deidara had decided that as soon as he was sure the Uchiha was down stairs drinking his morning coffee, he would jump out of bed and hide it out in Hiruko.  
_I hate my life, un…_  
He was jolted out of his thoughts when a yelp of fright followed by a thump echoed down the hall.

* * *

Itachi gazed down at the puppet master with a large mark on his forehead and a growing annoyance  
Upon seeing the Uchiha kneeling on his bed with his face 2cm from his own, Sasori had let out a cry of surprise and in his haste to get up, had headbutted Itachi.  
Sasori is made of wood.  
Block of wood + hit on the head = oooowwies!  
Itachi wouldn't show how much pain he was in though.  
Uchihas don't cry.  
Instead, he settled for glaring at Sasori as the puppets face grew more and more terrified the longer the silence lasted.  
Itachi did at one point, question whether facing the Puppet Master in battle was a good idea.  
The red head was known for his combat skills and the Uchiha wasn't entirely sure that his Sharingan would work on the wooden man.  
Judging from Sasoris pensive expression, he was thinking along the same lines.  
So to sum up, Itachi was about to fight a man who never got tired, who was possibly impervious to genjutsu and who was much faster than him.  
_Ah, the things I do for love._

"Itachi…"

The Uchiha snapped out of his thoughts and glanced down at the puppet master on the floor.  
Instead of replying, Itachi let out a stoic "Hn." To show he was listening.  
Sasori hesitated.  
Despite his very possible advantage over the Uchiha, he was very nervous.  
Itachi was just scary like that.

"Umm… What are you doing in my room…?"

Itachis facial expression changed ever so slightly.  
From a stoic, bored look to a very slight but very obvious sadistic smirk.

"I have to punish you, Sasori."

* * *

By the time he decided to get up, Deidara no longer cared about avoiding Itachi.  
The most important thing to him at the moment was coffee.  
Glorious, glorious coffee.  
Deidara dragged himself down to the kitchen.  
Heavy, dark bags hung under his eyes, his hair stuck out at all ends and his shoulders were hunched over, reducing his height by 10cm.  
Deidara was the walking definition of 'looking like hell'  
Or so Kisame decided when he saw the blonde tumble into the kitchen.  
A scream echoed from upstairs but Deidara found himself unable to care or even dwell on it.  
Instead, he switched on the kettle and slumped against the counter.  
Kisame gave a razorblade smile and quirked his eyebrow.

"Not a good morning, Deidara?"

His comment was met with a dark, threatening glare.  
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Shark grinned wider.

"Have fun last night?"

Deidara shook his head violently, partially to answer Kisame and partially to shake the horrifying images currently running through his head.  
Kisame was beginning to annoy him and after his 'adventure' last night, he was seriously just on the verge of tears.  
The blonde was dead tired, scared and just sick of the world.

"When do you think Itachi will want to move a 'step forward' in your relationship?"

Eyes wide with fear, Deidara whimpered.  
_Not a good day, un…_  
However, as Deidara considered his situation, he realized that a chance for revenge was beginning to present itself.  
The blonde inwardly smirked at his genius.  
Kisame opened his mouth in an attempt to ruin the blondes morning further but on a whim, Deidara cut him off,

**"ITACHI! HEEEELP!"**

There was a thud from upstairs.  
Deidara quickly ran to the sink and covered his cheeks and eyes in water.  
_This is quite possibly the best idea I have ever had, un…_  
Kisame opened his mouth in shock as Deidara started to cry and shake.  
If the blue shark man had of known the terrorist better, he would have known that the blonde had very spontaneous and wild ideas that almost always worked out in his favor.

Itachi sped into the room and widened his eyes upon seeing his blonde 'crying'.  
The Uchiha raised an eyebrow at Deidara, a gesture that asked "What happened?"  
Looking up from his tears, the blonde shook his head in hysterics and pointed at Kisame.

Sharingan eyes bore down upon the blue man and Kisame very wisely, ran out of the room hastily.  
Deidara sniffed and pouted, "Aww… He got away."  
The Uchiha glanced at his 'boyfriend' briefly before sighing and bolting out of the room after his ex partner.  
With Itachi and Kisame gone, Deidara let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and sank into his favorite chair to enjoy his coffee.

* * *

**Lol so there you go.**

**Hope you enjoyed blah blah blah yay!**  
**As always leave your rates, reviews, complaints and pathetic excuses after the beep.  
Beeeeeeeeeeeep**


	7. The Secret

"Hey Pink-eye. Having fun?"

Itachi glared at Hidan.  
The silver haired man leaned against his door frame with his arms crossed and a cocky grin on his face.  
Normally Itachi could handle being called Pink-eye, he found it ironic that Hidan of all people called him that.  
He could even deal with Hidans cursing and screaming, but lately, the priest had been grating on the Uchihas nerves terribly.

He had just spent two hours chasing Kisame on Deidaras behalf only to find his blonde 'boyfriend' missing upon having caught and punished his former partner.  
Despite his size, Kisame was incredibly fast and due to havingtonnes more chakra than Itachi, was able to keep running for longer.  
In the end, Itachi had to resort to trickery.  
It never ceased to amaze him how fast Kisame would drop his sword and come running once he heard the word 'fish'.  
Needless to say, Itachi was tired and Hidans mocking wasn't helping.

"I regret ever socializing with you Hidan."

The 'pink eyed' priest grinned in a way that was almost cute and clapped Itachi on the back, much to the Uchihas annoyance.

"Don't worry, your troubles will probably be all over soon."

Itachis eyes rolled to the ceiling.  
If only, if only…  
Deidara was much more trouble than he expected.

Sasori peeked around the corner hesitantly.  
After this morning's run in with Itachi, he didn't want to get caught alone.  
Safety in numbers.  
Unfortunately, Deidara was out of the question, as was Itachi.  
Sasori was starting to hate Kisame, his lack of grammar and spelling skills alone were enough to make the puppet master cringe.  
Kakuzu was a money thieving, blanket-faced zombie… thing and creeped him out.  
Konan was on her period, Leader-sama was away, Tobi was annoying, Zetsu was bipolar…

Who else, who else…

Sasori perked up.  
Hidan had seemed cheerful lately.  
He usually got like that just after a ritual when his cravings for blood were sated.  
That means he is relatively safe to be around for the moment.  
All Sasori really needed to do was ask Hidan to accompany him to the nearby town for ice cream.  
Hidan loved ice cream.

Its settled then.  
Sasori grinned at his geniusness.

Deidara sat at the kitchen table with his 9th mug of coffee in his hand.  
He hadn't yet freshened himself up and his hair was now defying gravity after he had neglected to straighten it.  
Everyone had been avoiding the kitchen; Deidara was inhuman without his coffee…  
And they were running out.  
Whenever someone came too close he growled and sheltered his coffee under his hunched form.  
He sat across the table from a slightly amused Kakuzu and Hidan who grinned and giggled every time a noise was made and the blonde cringed and glanced around wildly.  
It was almost too funny to bear.

Hidan sat cheerfully, leaning back in his chair with his legs crossed and feet resting on the table.  
Every now and then he coughed or shifted his leg suddenly, grinning when Deidara started.  
He had a toothpick in his mouth and his lips curved evilly as he thought up a plan to scare the blonde more than he already was.  
Deidara looked up suspiciously as Hidan lifted a hand in greeting to the empty door behind the resident artist.

"Oh hi, Itachi. Want some coff-"

Deidara bolted from the room before Hidan had even finished saying 'Itachi'  
The priest burst into laughter, being unable to complete his sentence.  
He cackled manically as he heard sobbing following the fading footsteps.  
Kakuzu glanced over his paper at Hidan.

"That was just cruel."

Hidan grinned at him and shrugged.

"Cruel but funny right?"

"You are having way too much fun with this bet."

"Not my fault Pinocchio made Blondie act like Pinkeyes little brother."

"That's not what I meant."

Hidan grinned, "I know."  
There was silence for a few seconds as Kakuzu thought back on their conversation, trying to decipher the nicknames that his idiotic partner had thought up for the other members.  
After a few minutes he scowled.  
Hidan was definitely an idiot.  
He dreaded to think what Hidan called him behind his back…

"Hey Frankenstein, Pinocchio is here to see you."

Kakuzu stiffened, twitched and took a deep breath.  
Deciding to ignore his partner, lest it cause a fight, Kakuzu instead turned to face Sasori.  
The red headed puppet master seemed to also be twitching.  
Obviously, Pinocchio wasn't his name of choice either.  
Taking a deep breath and sighing, Sasori eventually replied,

"Actually I'm here to see you, Hidan."

Hidan raised an eyebrow.  
It wasn't often people came to see him willingly.  
Unless he was in trouble…

"Well what do you fucking want?"

Unperturbed by Hidans language, Sasori continued,

"I was wondering if you would accompany me into town for ice cream."

A pregnant silence filled the room.  
Kakuzu glanced over his paper, eyebrows raised.  
Since when did the almighty Akasuna no Sasori ask other people to accompany him somewhere for something as trivial as ice cream?  
Especially when he couldn't eat it.  
Hidans eyebrows furrowed.  
Something fishy was going on here.

Sasori realized things weren't going his way.  
Hidan wasn't stupid and Sasoris proposal hadn't exactly been subtle.  
He probably should have approached the situation differently from the start.  
There was only one thing he could do to make up for lost ground…  
There was no way he was leaving the room without Hidan.  
"My shout…?" Sasori finished weakly.  
Hidans furrowed brows instantly lifted and he gave Sasori one of his very rare, true smiles.  
After all, the man was really just an angry child in a mans body.  
Offering to buy him ice cream automatically overrode any doubtin his mind that he might have had about Sasoris intentions.  
Kakuzu rolled his eyes from the table as Hidan jumped up, and tore Sasori from the room.  
When they were gone, the miser put down his paper, crossed his arms over the table and buried his head in them.  
"Why don't people take me out for ice cream…?"

An hour later, the duo walked through the town, going as slowly as Sasori deemed necessary.  
They hadn't spoken much, which suited both of them fine.  
Hidan was frowning in confusion and through peppermint chocolate chip ice cream asked suddenly,

"So… why did you drag me away in the first place? That's weird, even for you, seriously."

Surely he didn't just want to buy me ice cream…  
Sasori shrugged and hesitantly replied, "I wanted to get away from Itachi."  
Hidan stopped mid-stride and grinned.  
Of course!  
Why didn't he see it before?

"You're fucking scared of him aren't you?"

Sasori cringed at the accusation but didn't deny it.  
What was the point?  
Hidan would shut up if you promised him more ice cream.  
The priest shrugged as it was and finished, "I would be too if he was after me."  
Sasori lowered his head and nodded.  
Having an Uchiha after you was never a good thing.

"Don't worry though, you wont have to deal with him much longer."

Sasori stopped in his tracks and looked up hopefully and suspiciously at Hidans words.  
The silver haired man kept walking, one hand holding his ice cream and the other in his pocket.

"You know something that the rest of us don't… Don't you!"

Hidan grinned secretively into his frozen dessert.

"Maybe…"

Ooooh the plot thickens.  
I hate to admit that I only thought up an ending for this story half way between last chapter and this one…  
Oh well… I think you guys will like it heh heh  
But yeah, so Hidan knows something…  
And I felt kinda bad for Kakuzu…  
He may be 92… And he may be a grumpy butt faced money thief…  
But he is awesome… And he deserves ice cream.


	8. Enter Sasuke!

**Okay just so you know, I have already typed out this story but juuuuuust for you, I am retyping it out on the iPad so I can upload it... This job is tedious and I expect cyber hugs because of it.**

**Not really but you know... S if there are spelling mistakes or weird words it is the will of the almighty autocorrect... My apologizes. And now, on with the story!**

* * *

****When they returned to the base, Sasori and Hidan parted ways, the former being unable to divulge any information from the latter.

For some reason, Hidan was unwilling to tel Sasori what he knew, which obviously was a lot more tha the puppet master did.

This in itself was intriguing for you see, Hidan was a big mouth.

He had always been a big mouth.

Never handheld been able to keep a secret, if you wanted to spread rumors however, he was the man to go to.

So why was he so secretive about this business with Itachi?

Out of all the Akatsuki he had so far asked, no one knew.

That is to say, Deidara and Itachi were hiding, Zetsu argued with himself over the question, Tobi suggested that Hidan was a bad boy, Kisame was hogtied and ducktaped to the ceilings father his encounter with his former partner and Kakuzu just kind of... Walked off.

The only real conclusion tosome to was that no one knew.

For this reason entirely, Sasori was going to poison Hidan.

only with truth serum of course.

Even if Sasori DID have uncontrollable urges to commit homicide (which really wasn't as often as people thought) it wouldn't make a difference.

Poisoning him was likely to give him nothing more than a stomach ache.

And despite his annoying personality, Hidan was actually easy to get along with, providing he was supplied win ice cream and if you could get past the swearing.

Sasori could see himself developing a fondness for the idiot.

* * *

Deidara peeked around the corner meekly.

Shit scar was a good way to describe how he was feeling.

He had been hiding all day, changing hiding spots every now and then when he thought Itachi was wandering a bit too close for comfort.

He had even dispatched clones around the place to distract the Uchihaif the situation became dire.

_Sheesh... I'm a feared S-ranked missing nin and I'mscarred of a relationship... A gay relationship... With Itachi... That I don't actually want... That may or may not lead to me becoming Sasukes uncle..._

_Why am I even trying to comfort myself given these facts, yeah?_

Letting out a mewl of annoyance, Deidara slipped his head back around the cornerwas he saw Itachi pass.

_There has to be a way out of this..._

He tiptoed back towards Hidans room.

Out of everywhere in the base, Itachi was least likely to search for him there.

Who the hell would go to hide with that schizophrenic freak show?

The door creaked open and Deidara was met with the stomach churning sight of red splashed walls and the heavy scent of blood.

He twisted his nose in disgust but entered the room nonetheless.

A hiding place he wanted and a hiding place he had found.

Sitting down in the least blood spattered corner, Deidara crouched into a ball and started trying to think his way out of the situation.

Itachi was calling his name from down the hall and Deidara cringed as the Uchihas footsteps paced menacingly passed the door.

Letting a deep breath out as Itachis footsteps faded down the hall, Deidara chanted quietly to himself,

Find-a-happy-fucking-place-find-a-way-out-of-this-fucking-fuck-hole-of-a-fucking-situation.

He paused.

This room is making me swear like Hidan... Not good, un...

He rubbed his fist against his head in an effort to draw out an idea.

From down the hall he heard Itschi curse,

"Foolish Little Deidara..."

The blondes eyes snapped open as a metaphorical lightbulb switched on above his head.

OF COURSE!

* * *

Itachi sighed as he paced in the room he now shared with Deidara.

He wasn't pleased with how the day was going.

Sasori had hd to be punished.

Hidan had mocked him.

Kakuzu had ignored him.

Tobi had annoyed him.

Kisame was now hogtied to the ceiling above him, glaring up a storm.

And on top of all that, Deidara was still missing.

No, nothing was going right.

Stupid Hidan... Stupid Sasori... Stupid everyone.

"Foolish Akatsuki"

There was only one thing worth thinking about.

This was that Deidara had been acting like the perfect boyfriend.

He gave him the space he desired, didn't talk unnecessarily, didn't get in his way, didn't ask for money, didn't argue...

In fact, Itachi was convinced that Deidara was doing it on purpose, just to please him.

On one hand, Itachi was flattered, on the other, he didn't realize that Deidara actually really, truly loved him like that...

Itachi sighed in what could have been joy or what could have been exasperation and irritation.

"Lucky me..."

* * *

"YOU DID WHAT NOW!"

Sasori stood gaping over Hidan.

The truth serum had worked briefly before Hidans immortalness had over ridden the effects, but in that time, the puppet master had extracted just the information he needed.

After convincing the priest that he had more ice cream, Sasor had lured Hidan into his room like the perfect pedophile.

5 minutes later and he sat roped to a chair with his hands behind his back.

Ever since he had let slip his secret to Sasori, Hidsn had been unable to stop laughing.

He was laughing so hard in fact, that tears were coming out his eyes.

"I know! It's fucking hilarious! It was awesome to begin with and then you made that bet with Blondie and now it's fucking perfect!"

Despitr himself, Sasori couldn't help but snigger.

He now understood the situation entirely.

And he had to admit, Hidan was a genius.

* * *

at the Emo Farm (VIllage Hidden in the Sound)

**Knock. Knock. Knock.**

Sassume sighed and walked towards the front door he didn't know they had.

No doubt Orochimaru had installed it just so he could use the doorbell he had bought a few weeks ago.

No that anyone used it.

Stupid snake man.

Whtever, it didn't matter anyway.

All that mattered was the stupid fool who was interrupting his training time.

He almost considered not answering it, lest it be Naruto trying to force him back to Konoha.

Honestly, I leave a clear message that I don't want to be in the village and he assumes I've been kidnapped...

But no, Naruto never knocked... He wasn't punctual enough, or smart enough...

For this reason alone, Sasuke decided it was safe to open the door.

He twisted the knob with one hand whist the other rubbed the back of hisneck in annoyance,

"who is it and what do you waAAAHHhH!"

The door was barely openEd before Sasuke was bowled over by a man with blonde hair.

Goddammit, Naruto became smart AND punctual?

He was about to yell in annoyance and atta k when he recognized the Akatsuki cloak.

Before Sasuke could even consider what to do, the man was off of him and racing down the stone hallway.

Wait, whaa...?

Sasuke was fairly confident he could beat anyone who came into the base (even if it DID belong to the powerful Sannin) so he was really only curious as to why the Akatsuki were trying to get in.

Any other day he would let them wander around for Kabuto to deal with.

Shaking his head to rid himself of his confusion, Sasuke jumped to his feet, slammed the door and chased after his enemy,

"wait! Stop! I just want to know why you ar- GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!"

The man in front of him had run to the very end of the hall and jumped into the last room on the right...

Which was Sasukes room...

Growling in extreme annoyance and agitation, Sasuke rounded the corner into his room and glared at what he expected to be a hardened criminal plotting to kill him.

An insidious plot, since most plots to kill him were quite insidious.

Instead he was faced with a sobbing Deidara whose clothes were torn and disheveled, indicating that he had run through an area if dense growth.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the man in front of him.

This day is more trouble than it's worth...

"what do you want?" he sighed, turning his head.

Whatever it was, it wouldn't be good.

"hide me please, your brother is trying to sleep with me, un!"

Whatever Sasuke expected, it wasn't that.

Kabuto later had to clean the floor of thall all blood puddle created after the young Uchihas fainted.

* * *

**Okay so I have one, maybe two chapters to go after this. **

**Hope you enjoyed and you will soon know the secret!**

**I am having difficulty updating (as you may know) and can really only access this site to view personal messages and go on Facebook. Hence, I have created a Facebook account where you can view teasers and such for the various stories i have written if you get annoyed with my lack of updates! The Facebook name is Nate White and has a profile picture of a really happy looking praying mantis haha.**

**Hope to see you soon!**

**As always, leave your rates, reviews, complaints or pathetic excuses after the beep!**

**And/or on Facebook**


	9. The Secret Revealed!

**Haha.  
Okay, so y'all find out the reason behind EVERYTHING in this chapter.  
Hopefully I have explained it all nicely (although I would like to think its pretty easy to follow)  
The next chapter will probably be the last, which is disappointing and relieving for me.  
Disappointing because I like writing (and torturing) these guys and relieving because now I can finish my other stories!  
Anyway, enjoy this chapter.**

Itachi glared at his clock in anticipation.  
It was exactly 11:58am.  
The clock ticked away merrily, completely unaware that a dangerous and very exhausted criminal, who was at the end of his rope, was considering destroying it every time it made a noise.  
From downstairs, Itachi heard Zetsu telling off Tobi for something he may or may not have done whilst Konan screamed at them to shut up so she could have her breakfast.  
Somewhere in the base, Deidara yelled at Sasori for hiding his clay and Sasori yelled at Deidara for hiding Hiruko._  
What a noisy life I lead…_  
The clock ticked again, bringing Itachi out of his vaguely distracted listenings.  
A sweat drop fell from the Uchihas forehead._  
Just a little longer…_  
He heard the footsteps thudding down the hall towards him but ignored them.  
Itachi already knew who it was.  
The door burst open, the top corner of it hitting Kisame in the head as he was still, ducktaped and hogtied to the ceiling.

"Mmmmpphh!"

Hidan glanced upwards briefly in surprise. He raised an eyebrow before calling, "Sorry Fishface!" over his shoulder and turning to Itachi.  
The Uchiha had turned nothing but his head and was glaring at the priest over the collar of his cloak.  
Hands on his hips, Hidan ignored him and grinned happily and merrily.

"Only one minute left, huh?"

Itachi blinked in surprise and turned back to the clock.  
Hidan was right, it was now 11:59am.  
The priest sat on Kisames unused bed while the Kiri nin growled from the ceiling.  
No one made a sound as Itachi mentally counted down the seconds with every tick the clock made.  
The second counter on the side of the clock reached 59 seconds and Itachi jumped from the bed with his fists raised in the air.

"YES ITS FUCKING OVER!"

The Uchiha paused and glanced at Kisame and Hidan out of the corner of his eye.  
Kisames eyes were bugging out of his head and Hidans chin was reaching the floor.  
Raising a pointed finger very carefully, Hidan stuttered, "Did… Did you just…"  
Itachi lowered his arms, regained his composure and silenced him.

"No… I did not and never will swear. You are imagining things, Hidan."

Hidan opened and closed his mouth, mentally debating whether or not to fight the Uchiha over it.  
Eventually, he made up his mind and turned to face Itachi with a smirk and come back ready on his lips.  
His frown disappeared and he changed his mind about arguing when he saw the Mangekyou Sharingan glaring threateningly at him.  
He may be immortal, but being Tsukuyomi'd sucks.

Looking past Itachi, Hidans smirk returned.

"Hey Pinkeye….?"

Itachi glared at the man in front of him… The only man in the room who actually HAD pink eyes.  
Crossing his arms, Itachi pursed his lips and replied, "What?"  
Hidan grinned and pointed behind Itachi towards the little electric clock.  
The Uchihas gaze followed and he gaped in shock at the time displayed.

11:59:59

The clock never reached midday.

Kakuzu glanced over his newspaper and toast as he heard loud curses and thumping from above him.  
He only wondered who it was briefly before he heard the words "Jashin", "Fuck", Dickhole," Pinkeye," and "Tsukuyomi!" and understood what had happened.  
Hidan had pissed off Itachi.  
Apparently, the priests little idea to tinker with the Uchihas electronic clock hadn't quite gone according to plan…  
Sniggering to himself as he heard a rattling above him, indicating someone convulsing in a seizure, Kakuzu sipped some of his coffee with a grin.

Grudgingly, Sasuke agreed to let Deidara stay in the Village Hidden in the Sound until the blonde made other arrangements, Orochimaru found him, Kabuto dissected him or Itachi came to find him.  
Deidara had of course, glomped (for lack of a better word) the Foolish Little Brother of the Equally Foolish Big Brother and presented him with a little clay bird….  
Which Sasuke fed to Orochimaru in his sleep.  
Deidara rocked back and forth on his heels and grinned at Sasuke awkwardly.

"So uhh…"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as he sat on his bed, arms crossed and glaring half heartedly.  
He couldnt really be angry at Deidara.  
If Itachi wanted to sleep with him then Sasuke would run to his sorta-kinda enemies for help as well.  
And by helping the blonde he was actually denying Itachi of what he wanted.  
It was like killing two ninjas with one kunai.

"Where do I sleep, yeah?"

The Uchiha looked around in vague surprise before realizing that there was only one bed.  
And nowhere else in the base to stay that wasn't occupied with creepy experiments…  
Sighing, Sasuke patted the bed beside him,

"I guess that means you are sleeping with… Me?"

When Sasuke glanced back up he was met with dust clouds and a swinging door.  
In the distance he could hear someone sobbing and screaming, "I hate Uchihas!"

"So you tinkered with my clock?"

Itachi stood menacingly before Hidan, arms crossed and glaring down upon him.  
The priest was tied to the same chair Sasori had tied him to when he poisoned him with truth serum.  
Hidan nodded his head in fright, the corners of his mouth turned down in a frown.  
Sure he was immortal…  
But whether he was Tsukuyomi'd or set on fire with Amaterasu, he was dead scared of the Uchiha.  
Itachi sighed and rubbed his temples, "So it is actually, past midday then?"  
Hidan nodded again, not daring to speak.  
"And so I am in fact, released from the bet?"  
Sighing, Hidan grudgingly nodded again  
Itachi threw back his head in bliss and resisted the urge to scream out joyful profanities again.  
Throwing a kunai, he released Kisame from the ceiling.  
"You are now my partner once more Kisame."  
The Kirigakure nin sighed and nodded.  
Itachi may be the thorn in his side, but Sasori was a splinter…  
Splinters were more annoying.  
While Sasori was a better partner in terms of physical aspects, (That is, he wouldn't chop of your finger to eat it if he was hungry) Itachis demonic personality suited him better.

"And now I must find Deidara and break up with him..."

Hidan giggled and Kisame raised his eyebrows.

"Wait… What? Why are you suddenly breaking up with Deidara?"

Itachi glared at Kisame and walked out of the room sulkily without answering.  
Once the door was shut, Kisame turned to Hidan and made a rolling motion with his hand, insinuating that he wanted Hidan to elaborate.  
The pink eyed immortal grinned cutely at Kisame and elaborate he did.

"A while back you guys were all out on a mission or some shit… I dunno where you were but me and Pinkeye were the only ones left in the base. Some how we ended up playing cards and placing bets, you know, all that bullshit."

Kisame nodded. He remembered that day.  
They hadn't actually gone on a mission, they just told Hidan that.  
Everyone had just gone to the bar in the next town to celebrate Konans birthday and no one wanted Hidan to come due to him being a very… violent drunk.  
Itachi just didn't want to come in general and no one was game enough to argue with him, so he stayed behind as well.

"Anyway, we got bored of betting money because he was cheating and robbing me fucking blind, so we started betting other things…"

Hidan grinned evilly as Kisame raised his eyebrows.  
Oh dear Pein, Jashin, God, Satan, Buddha… What other things…?

"He bet me that if he won the next game of cards, I would have to revoke my loyalty to Jashin and I bet that if I won, he would have to play 'boyfriend' to any person of my choosing."

Oh… Those sort of things…  
Everything was starting to make sense…

"I just so happened to win the next round, how fucking awesome is that!? So after a few days I pointed out Blondie and told Pinkeye to 'date' him for three days, ending at midday of the last day. I didn't expect Pinocchio to make some weird bet with Blondie too… But that just made it all the better!"

Kisame sniggered into his hand.  
Hidan was right. It WAS better now.  
Itachi wouldn't have half-assed the job because he knew that if he did it was likely Hidan would throw a tantrum and lengthen the course of the bet.  
So the Uchiha made it convincing.  
Hence, the partner swap, hand holding and bedding arrangements.  
Over the last few days, Deidara had become terrified of being anywhere near Itachi.  
And Kisame had noticed Itachi avoiding Deidara slightly as well, according to the Uchiha, he was convinced that Deidara liked him back which did NOT fit in with his plans.  
It was brilliant.  
**  
And it was all Hidans fault…  
I realized some of this may haphazardly fit together like a really fudged up jigsaw… But that's only because I improvised this WHOLE STORY chapter for chapter.  
Hows that for a useless talent?  
Anyway, you know how it goes.  
Leave your rates, review, complaints and pathetic excuses after the beep!**


	10. Final: The Breakup

**So so**r**ry this chapter took a while...**  
**I don't really have an excuse but give me a minute and Ill think of one...**  
**This story kinda fit together like some sort of retarded haphazard puzzle which is my fault cause I improvised.**  
**Hope you liked it anyway.**  
**On the bright side, I now possess a shirt with every swear word known to man on it.**  
**I'm sure it will make writing Hidan waaaaaaaaaaaaay easier..**  
**This final chapter is dedicated to XxAkatsukiFanxX who reminded me to hurry it up and post this!**  
**Thank you.**

* * *

After his run in with Sasuke, who apparently, took after his brother and was also a scary wannabe rapist type person, Deidara had fled Otogakure in terror.  
It hadn't been easy he admitted.  
On his way out he had crossed Orochimaru who thankfully, did nothing more than raise an eyebrow at the crying Akatsuki terrorist racing out of his super secret special hidden and impenetrable fortress.  
Kabuto had cried out in fright and thrown a scalpel at him as he dashed past which very narrowly missed Deidaras head.  
Curse those damn ninja for having such good aim.  
And this was all AFTER he actually found the right way out again.  
Orochimarus village was a labyrinth if he ever saw one.

No where was safe.  
Although it was safe to say having one of the people you hate the most falling in love and trying to sleep with you was probably the most terrifying thing that had ever happened to our poor little Deidara.  
And it probably scarred him for life.  
Whatever the case, he now sat in the broom cupboard of the Akatsuki lair rocking back and forth while sucking his thumb.  
This was how Itachi found him.

As the door swung open and the darkness faded into light, Deidara gazed up in horror at being found.  
Gasping at having been cornered, he decided he could do nothing more than face his fate.  
The silence between the Uchiha and the terrorist lasted for quite a while as they watched each other quietly, giving Deidara time to strengthen his resolve and accept the fact that later on that night he was probably going to be uke to the person he had always hated.  
So strong was his acceptance of his fate that when Itachi opened his mouth to utter the words that Deidara was sure would inadvertently result in his inability to walk the next day, he didn't even flinch.

"Deidara, I'm breaking up with you."

The blondes head shot up in shock and he gaped at the Uchiha in question.  
Could it be true?  
Without realizing how he sounded, Deidara cried out in total disbelief,

"What!? Why!?"

Itachis eyes widened ever so slightly and he took a tiny step back at Deidaras reaction.  
He had hoped that the blonde wouldn't be too upset by the sudden break up but apparently, he was.  
Despite his (quite false) status as an evil criminal, Itachi hated hurting peoples feelings.

"Im very sorry… But I just don't think it's working."

Deidaras eyes started watering and before he knew it there were tears rolling down his face.  
Tears of joy, obviously.  
He had never heard better news.  
Thinking he would be trapped forever in a prison of… In a prison… The blonde had almost completely given up hope of getting out alive.  
Sure he could have fought the Uchiha but chances were he would end up in a Tsukuyomi.  
The tears rolled down in streams and pretty soon, Deidara was sobbing with joy.  
He pulled both his hands to his face to try and stem the tears.

Itachi however, gazed upon his 'ex-boyfriend' in shame.  
He felt horrible having quite obviously made Deidara feel loved and now letting him down without a moments notice.  
It was cruel to lead someone on so.  
Itachi hated hurting peoples feelings, more than anything else.  
Watching Deidara in hysterical sobs was painful for him to watch.  
Hesitantly, he considered his relationship with the resident terrorist.  
Deidara had actually been the best partner he had so far had, despite the short length of time they had been together.  
And breaking up would make things awkward around the base.  
Maybe… Just maybe he should stick it out – for Deidaras sake.  
Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, Itachi decided changing his mind was probably in everyones best interest.

"I didn't realize this upset you so much…"

Deidara nodded, too filled with joy to tell the Uchiha that being in a relationship with him was what was truly upsetting and not in fact, Itachis sudden break up.  
Nodding his head in misunderstanding, the Uchiha added,

"Then I take it back. I'm sure that given a little more time we can both be very happy together."

The blondes mouth dropped open and his eyes widened._  
Oh you did not…_  
What a horrible thing it was to have your hopes raised so high and then shot back down so suddenly.  
So devastated was he, that Deidara could not speak.  
Instead he sat staring at the Uchiha in shock, his tears frozen in place and his chin touching the ground.  
Itachi, taking Deidaras silence as a declaration of joy, moved forward and gave the terrorist a hesitant and very awkward hug.  
The blonde gazed over his unwanted boyfriends shoulder and watched Kisame and Hidan walk into the room behind them.  
They both stopped, pointed and tilted their head and frowned at the Uchiha.  
Since when did Itachi hug?  
Deidara, still having not moved, felt his tears begin again.  
The hug ended when the blond sniffed as his sobbing threatened to return.  
Pulling them apart, Itachi gave Deidara a small smile and a pat on the head before turning on his heel and walking away.  
The terrorist gaped after him, still unable to move.

"Hey Blondie, what's going on? What was with the creepy man hug?"

Hidan, ever so nice enough to break the tension in the room, became the subject of Deidaras fury which was rained down upon him like the three horsemen of the apocalypse.  
Punctuating each word with a blow, Deidara screeched,

"GET. THE. FUCK. AWAY. FROM. ME. YEAH!"

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**So that was the final chapter... Probably.**  
**I know I said the same thing with Akatsuki vs Froggy and well... I lied...**  
**Thanks for sticking with me, I hope you enjoyed and as always:**  
**Leave your rates, reviews and complaints after the nonexistant beep!**


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